I have always loved learning. In school I got good grades and enjoyed all the subjects I studied. I look at life as subjects of learning. I frequently ask myself, what do I need to learn from this lesson that life is trying to teach me.
So when Ali died and I was encompassed with grief, I couldn't wait to learn what I needed to learn and then turn the page as if it were a book in school - just so that I could close it and put it away.
Living with grief has been one of my hardest lessons. It is the "book" no one ever wants to read. It is every awful emotion you can think of with nowhere to go.
I thought that if I could get to a certain timeline or learn the lesson I needed to learn, things would get easier, but grief never ends. The chapter of this lesson is complex, draining, and all you can do with it is endure.
Even the thought sounds daunting.
But in this lesson of enduring, I have learned a lesson that, in my opinion, has been priceless.
Throughout my life I have heard of people testifying that Jesus was the answer to everything. That we could give any burden to Him and He would make them light. (Matthew 11: 28-30).
Was this true? Could Christ really take my grief from me and make this burden light?
These last five months, all I have done was study this. I have immersed myself in all things Him. Each day I will listen to songs, podcasts or scriptures that bring me closer to Him.
One of Ali's and my favorite songs is called, Reaching Out. By Isabella Hickson.
"He is calling out your name
Through the dark, through the storm
'Cause He knows where you belong
He will help you find the way
He’s the light in your heart
He wants to bring you home
So give your will to Him
That's when the miracles begin
Chorus:
When your hope is fadin'
And the stars refuse to shine
Though you’re stumblin' in the dark
He knows right where you are
When the waves are crashin'
And your burdens drag you down
He is waiting there for you
And His hand is reachin' out
He will lift you to your feet
He will stay by your side
And He'll warm you with his light
So give your will to Him
That's when the miracles begin
Chorus:
When your hope is fadin'
And the stars refuse to shine
Though you're stumblin’ in the dark
He know right where you are
When the waves are crashin’
And your burdens drag you down
He is waiting there for you
And His hand is reachin' out"
Why do I share this song? Because I have seen that as I have reached out to Him, His hand has always been there. By reaching out to Him, my burdens have been lifted as I have felt Him carry them with me.
To the others who share this book of grief, I leave my testimony with you...that although your grief will always remain, you will not have to bear it alone. I have felt Him carry me each and every day. I know He lives. I know He hears us! And I know that He will help us as we endure these lessons in life.
